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January 18, 2007

No Shame in My Game


The picture above was taken in December 2006 at Phenoix in San Francisco. From left to right, Isaac, Dave, Luke, and myself. They are my colleagues at the current firm. We used to work in the same team when I first joined the firm.

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Since the beginning of the year, I have spent more time thinking about what I want in my life. It's a scary thought that I am approaching 30 in 9 months. I always think that I need to sort out my life by the time I reach 30. I can't still be fooling around and giving myself excuses for not doing the right things.

After trying out three different jobs since the beginning of 2006, I have reached a stage that I need to figure out what I really want. I have worked in a major big firm and two start-ups. Despite the fact that each company has its own culture and politics, I think I have been giving my best to each of the position I have held.

Because of some organizational changes, I have not been really able to settle down in my current position. Many times, I feel like putting in some much effort in my work but I end up getting nothing out of it. It's not like I need some sort of recognition or some thing. I just want people to understand that I have been sucking it up and put all my energy at work.

When I was visiting one of my good high school friends in Philadelphia back in Dec 1995, I had a great conversation with him after a few drinks. We both agreed that every human being in the world craves for some sort of recongition, which could be money, fame, status, or popularity. I guess human beings are gregarious animals that we need to rely on one another for physical and emotional support. What I am missing in my life is some sort of support that I get from my friends. The older one gets, the harder it is for me to open up to my friends. Many times, I just want to keep drinking till I forget everything. Though it would be a painful reminder that I am still alive the next day. One of the highlights from last year is for me to meet some very good friends during my time at Google. Steve, Chris, Jordan, and Jeff have all helped me a lot through many difficult times last year. I think that's something that I need to be very grateful about.

Since I joined my current company, the size of my team has decreased from 7 to 4 people. I feel like that I am trying so hard to be friends with my colleagues at times. You know, the most important thing at work is to enjoy it. I know it's hard to achieve but I still refuse to believe that we have to work in hostile environment just to pay our pills. I have tried to organize some sort of activities for our teammates to get to know one another better. I still believe that there is a purpose for me to come across certain people in my life. That's why I value each of the person that I meet at various occasions. I believe that I can learn from each one and be a better and stronger person.

1 comment:

googooww said...

You talked about wanting to sort out your life, but then you only talked about your jobs. Did you ever stop to think that you might want something more?