I took a day off today to take care of some personal business. Despite the rainy weather, I actually had a very good day. First, I had a doctor's appointment early in the morning in Palo Alto. Then I caught lunch with my old classmate and friend from Stanford. We went to eat at PF Chang. It's been a long time since I went there. I actually love that place a lot. It's funny that the last time I was there, my professor took me and the same friend there to thank us for our work as teaching assistant. It's like 3 years ago.
I ended up waiting at the Chinse Consulate in San Francisco for 3 hours to get my Hong Kong passport renewed. It's going to take at least another month before I can get the new passport. While I was waiting there, I was amazed to see so many US passport holders from mainland that don't speak a word of English. Is it ironic that I have been legally here for 12 years and got my degrees here, have a job outside of Chinatown and and still can't get a US passport? The more I think about it, the more I question whether it is really worth it or not.
It's funny today that my friend told me that when anyone reaches 30 and is still unmarried, he/she must have some psychological issues. With his insights, I do find that to be very true. I guess the older you are, the more you realize that you are going to be an outcast in some way by either not getting married or building up your career. You cam make an excuse to be naive and exploring the world in the 20s. However, in the 30s, it's time for each person to settle down with one thing or the other. Yes, it may not be the best thing that you ever want. However, everyone should realize that there is no perfect place, perfect job, perfect mate.....nothing is ideal. We just have to accept whatever options we have in front of us and make the best out of it. If we keep wandering around for a few more years, you will realize the disconnection you have between you and the society. You will become more angry at the society because you feel that no one understands you and your action.
I came across the above card at a story the other day. I love the quote on it. I really have to
"accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the differences"
I feel better today because I believe that friendship is one of the things that I cannot change. Just like any other relationships, I cannot force it to change. I was naive enough to think that friendship is different from other type of romantic or work relationships between it's much simpler and it does not involve any gains and losses. Now I know, it's just the same as other relationships.
I am accepting the fact that friendship is one of the things that I cannot change.